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Discernment
– Permanent Diaconate by Deacon Loris R. Sinanian How does
one discern whether or not they have a vocation to the permanent
diaconate? First of all, discernment should not a simple examination of what we want to do or to be when it comes to ordained ministry in the Church. It can not be a spiritless, cold examination, looking at risks and rewards, nor can it be looking for signs by putting God to the test. Remember, Elisha was looking for a loud thunder, but God answered him in a soft whisper! It’s not
about us, it’s about God. God’s call! Does God
have a plan for each of us? God created
us in his own image and likeness. We were created in all eternity in the
mind of God. This discernment and formation is part of that plan. I’m sure
he does and we have to have a willingness to hear it and to recognize
obstacles within us that resist the call. The real problem is
acquiring a disposition of willingness. All of us have fears at one time
or another that seem to paralyze us, and proper discernment will help
overcome them For the
permanent diaconate this involves more than ourselves and God. It must, and it repeat must, include your family –
your wife and your children. This
discernment involves and has an impact on everyone. This means that there
must be openness by you, as well as your family. This openness becomes a
struggle between the intellect and opening our hearts to God. Emotions
should not enter the equation, because they may play a negative role in
becoming open to God. We can easily allow our emotions to become a form of
rationalization. There are
several areas in which discernment to the permanent diaconate must be
examined and be explored. Let’s look at a few. Attitude
– At the
risk being repetitive, if you are scared of what a vocation entails, you
will find it harder to be open and accept that it might actually be
happening to you. Think back on the days when you met your future wife and
the thought process you went through. Think about the times you prayed
about whether this was the right thing. Yes, you were discerning a
vocation, the vocation of Matrimony…and now it’s the vocation of Holy
Orders, the permanent diaconate. Self
Examination
– How do you
view yourself? Do you think of yourself as being a gift to others? This
can be spiritually empty. Think about the gifts God has given you, and how
they may best help others. Is your motive all about you or is how you can
best carry out the role Jesus intends for us to fulfill? Remember, Jesus
said, “I can not to be served, but to serve.” Pray for
Enlightenment
– Ask the
Holy Spirit to truly enter your life. When Jesus taught his disciples to
pray, he also asked that the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those
who ask him. Why did he ask this? Simply because the Spirit is a most
precious gift God gives us. When we
pray for forgiveness and to be kept from temptation, we are praying for
the Spirit to come into our hearts, convict us of sin, and lead us to all
the Truth. The spirit reveals the glory, the majesty, the grace and love
of our Savior. He gives us knowledge of the things of God, opening our
eyes to the truths of Sacred Scripture, and forming our minds to these
truths. Through this work of the Spirit, we are lead to greater and deeper
prayer and reverence for our God. Discernment of a vocation starts to
become more meaningful as our faith comes alive. Let us go a
bit deeper into our discernment process and examine how the following are
so vital the process, namely: Prayer, Organizing our Lives, Spiritual
Direction, and Christian Love… Prayer –
The first
step in praying is to realize to who you are speaking…it’s not a
conversation with yourself…you are speaking with God who is your
Father…and asking, in the case of discernment, for something you need in
fulfilling his will. In discernment, what we need is God’s light to
discover his plan for our life. Remember in our prayers faith and asking
for what we need are two threads woven throughout the
Gospels. At times we
expect our prayers to be answered in the form of an unmistakable sign. As
I mentioned earlier, it’s not good to look for this type of sign because
we are placing conditions for God to fulfill. It doesn’t work that way.
God does sometimes send us signs if he wants to, but this isn’t what we
should count on.. Then there
are times when we expect that our prayers will be answered in some
fantastic interior enlightenment…so there’s no question about what we are
about to embark upon. This isn’t good either, even though it happens some
times, because it could just be our imagination…some euphoria. How can we
be sure this is God speaking to us? OK, so
where to we turn? The
important thing is that we pray to be changed, be transform. So, to get
our answer we have to change…not limit him to choices we see, but to say
we are open to his will, whatever that may be. Usually, our prayers are
directed at what we think is good for us, when we really should be looking
out for is what is best for the Kingdom. As our
prayer life gets better, certain convictions will take place in our
lives…more sensitive to the needs of the Church and others…and to the
unique gifts we have received from God and how they may best be used. We
come to see God’s hand and divine providence in our lives more
clearly. Will we
ever be an absolutely clear answer? Probably not…and that’s why we need a
good mentor and spiritual direction. Organizing
Our Lives – there are
several ways to get your life organized according to your priorities. Most
of us through our experience in the world and in our families probable
know this area very well, but at ther risk of being somewhat redundant,
allow me to list a few areas. Get a
notebook and set up four sections. (I would suggest actually hand writing,
rather than using your computer for this purpose.) The sections should
include priorities, concerns/problems, goals, and how do I get
there. With regard
to ‘priorities’ list what is
really important to you…and don’t forget you family and their needs in
this area. Next list
all your “problem areas and
concerns”…your time wasters…your addictions…your weaknesses…the
“stuff” in your life that you wish you didn’t have to do…on and on.
Consider starting a journal. Now, what
are my “goals”. If you have no
purpose any road will get you there. So often our goals as for our lives
are so vague. This is an area we must devote a lot of thought, time, and
consultation with our wives. Address what kind of person are you today,
what kind of person do you want to be, what kind of husband and father am
I, what do I need to be…. This brings
us to the next step…how do I get there? Address
every problem area, every goal and try to bring them together to make sense…to be workable…not
compromising to your family…not at the expense of you health. Try to
develop a routine and schedule your time to accomplish your goals. It can
not be over emphasized to make sure there is more than adequate family
time. Diaconate does not work if family is the cost. With regard
to spiritual life, include this in your planning. Look at your goals. Do
they include Sunday Mass attendance with your family? Does it include
daily prayer time? Or more discipline? Or, maybe, time before the Blessed
Sacrament? This list goes on. Finally,
gather information about the permanent diaconate. Know what it entails.
Talk with a few deacons. Plan on making a retreat…also, set a time each
day for a short examination of consciences. Spiritual
Direction – The role of
the spiritual director is to help you with the discernment process. The
role of the spiritual director is not to tell you what to do, but to help
you discover what God is asking of you so that you can understand, accept,
and do it. “He is a guide leading one into a life truly under the dominion
of the Holy Spirit. He helps one to be more and more docile to the light
and prompts of the divine Sanctifier, identifying impediments…as well as
overcoming them, giving instruction and encouragement in living a life of
virtue and one that advances the path of prayer – the road to union with
God. Given the sublimity of this task, it is easy to see why in the
tradition it has been called the ars atrium, the art of arts.” (1) Spiritual
direction requires us to take an active role by contributing our thoughts
and reflections, opening ourselves to the intimacy of our prayer life, our
motives, our honesty, and openness to revealing what and why we may be
asking for something. His role is to shed light on these things, test them
to see if they are valid, and if they have the signs of coming from God,
and letting you know why if they are not. The spiritual director tries to
help us to understand and follow the ways of God. Usually,
it’s a safe bet to look for a priest for spiritual
direction. (1) Seeking Spiritual Direction,
Thomas Dubay, S.M. Christian
Love – A big part
of discernment is a form of self sacrifice. A person who is really in love
makes sacrifices, because when you love someone you try your best to
please them…you put that person first. Think about it in your marriage and
with your children…at time you don’t watch that ball game, instead you go
to an opera…you put up with some weaknesses…you go out of your way to care
in times of need…and you know the tables are reversed at
times. It boils
down to the fact that all vocations are love stories. In the case of the
permanent diaconate one must love Christ without compromising the vocation
of Matrimony. This comes back to priorities…we love God first and
foremost, them our family, and we never compromise
either. Love is
tough…it takes all we have at times…and that’s self sacrifice. The great
saints understood this and they suffered for it…through scourging,
imprisonment, fasting, and penance done out of love. All these things
unite us more closely to both Christ and our wives and
family. Our
Christian Love is a big step in our conversion. As
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